Darkest Before Dawn

I spoke with Mom yesterday in a small moment of reprieve from her grueling battle and she asked that I post an update for her. This is a hard week friends. I don't really know what to say other then ask for your prayers as she is in the thick of it now. They assure me the doctors are everything they could ask for, she is receiving the best care available and "its all part of the process."

But how do you go on living your day to day when your momma is suffering so much its spilling out through face time? How do you soak up more tears when your own are flooding the days counting down to a miracle? While she suffers through it and Dad does all he can to keep her comfortable and hold her hand, I can only pray and hope from far away. I don't really understand all the meds and what exactly is happening and when, so here it is from another perspective . . . 

The doctors started the high dose chemo and various other strange poisons used to heal the sick. They have to breakdown the diseased cells before healing can begin. And isn't strange? Here again the dying comes first.  Like everywhere we look to in the universe, there is no life before the cross. We must lose our life to find it, a miraculous mystery we don't understand. And we are humbled as Job trembling when we hear, "Who are you, oh man, to question God?" when we are brought low like this.  It is painful and bloody and yet it is where we pass from death to life. Though it seems an unlikely place for hope, it is the only hope anyone has. The medicine that heals, first must kill. We cannot transplant new life, new marrow, into a body harboring the very disease we seek to be rid of.  

And this is where she's at. . . Holding on day by day as they kill as much of the diseased immune system as they can before her stem cells are replaced. Today, November 26, will be the day they give back all those millions of little cells of hope they so tediously collected. In medical speak its called "Day 0" where her immune system will be fragile, newly born. The healing will be slow and uncomfortable, but the hope is it will only get better. The hope is the Scleraderma will be stopped from progressing and maybe some damage reversed. 

The hope, is life renewed.

- Ann

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day." 2 Corinthians 4

Chemo for Thanksgiving

Hello dear friends,
I am sorry I have not updated my blog for some time.  I have had a few things going on since I last wrote.  I spent about 6 days in the hospital due to an infection in my mouth.  They were given me antibiotics through the IV and some nice pain killers.   During that time they also attempted to collect stem cells from me again and the good news is they collected over 500 millions.  So now they have all the stem cells to proceed with the transplant.  I am scheduled to be admitted in the hospital on Wednesday, November 21st, the day before Thanksgiving.   Guess what I'm having for Thanksgiving....and it's not turkey!

I also had to see a dentist to rule out a bad tooth or such.  Luckily through a couple we met here in Denver, Phyliss and Kent, they recommended a dentist and we were able to get that taken care of in a few days.  Kent has scleroderma also and went through the stem cell transplant in January.  He is doing remarkably well.  They are a very thoughtful couple and have offered much support and kindness since we met them. It's amazing how God places the right people in your life at the right time!

Due to the chemo I had 3 weeks ago my hair began to fall out in clumps.  What a weird experience to put your fingers through you hair and have a clump of it in your hands or look at the pillow and it's covered with hair.  To make it less messy the nurse in the hospital suggested to shave it and so I agreed.   I can't say that it hasn't effected my psyche a bit.  Matt was very sweet and also shaved his head so I wasn't alone.  I do have some hats to cover my bald head, but unfortunately I'm not one of those girls that look cute in hats.  But I guess a bit better  then bald.
One lady woke up with 3 hairs left on her head so she decided to wear a braid, then next day she had 2 hairs so she figured she'd part it in the middle.  When she woke up with 1 hair left she wore a ponytail.  A little humor from the cancer floor of the hospital.  :)

On Wednesday (if nothing unexpected occurs) I will start the stem cell transplant.  I will receive a high dose regiment of chemo for several days to deplete my immune system and then once that is completed the stem cells they collected from me prior will be infused back to me.  Similar to a blood transfusion.  My understanding is that I will be feeling pretty crappy and weak for 3 to 4 weeks before I begin to feel better.  I am scared about the side effects of the chemo and pray that my body will be able to handle it without any lasting side effects.  Again I need to remind myself to "Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

I am so very thankful for your friendship and support.  I wish you and your loved one's a Happy Thanksgiving!  Enjoy and Celebrate!

xo

A no hair day!